A Pleasant Distraction

You are both unexpected and most welcomed.
It was a chance meeting.
Not sure if it was out of desperation
That we joined our souls through a machine.
But I’m so glad you chose me right back.

The sweetest distraction I’ve ever had.
Your laugh stays on my mind.
Can’t help but wanting to hear you again.
Just the sound of your voice
And I’m frozen in a time and place.

We are together again.
Lovers hard and wet.
Working towards the same cause.
Pleasure exploding in tiny bombs
In our warmest places.

Joining our essences as one nature.
When you’re not here
Next to me, on top of me,
Behind me, inside me
I can’t close my eyes.
Because you’re there in my dreams
Day or night.

Don’t want to open them to find you gone.
There’s this ache and definite pain
Because I want you but not sure
If you feel the same.
I don’t want to only be allowed to nibble.
I want to feast on the better part of you.

What is the price to pay?
Is it my heart that you are truly after?
My soul is hungry for its mate.
They get along so well.

Dear God help me!
I’m falling  for this African King.
He’s so regal and kind.
Sexy and Romantic.
How does he always know my weakness?

How does his whisper have
The power to melt my defenses?
If only for a short time,
I’m going to enjoy every inch
Of this beautiful man.

for Lenny

Velvet Milk

That day we touched still haunts me.

The main reason why I had to leave. . . was you.

I didn’t want to start another path with the same footsteps.

You had some kind of hold over me.

Like the Phantom of the music,

You sent for me.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to defend myself,

So I gave in to a pleasure I had forgotten.

Now starts the craving for your velvet milk.

Sweeter than the juices from my favorite fruits.

More rewarding than if I had wings to fly.

My body remains hungry with an appetite only yours could cure.

Sexy caramel skin with the aroma of a King.

Your poisonous lips have paralyzed me

Desiring another taste of your velvet milk.

Almost three in the morning and it beckons to me.

Teasing and taunting.

I am your prey and I most humbly surrender.

More powerful than a wicked nightmare

Leaving me heaving and panting in my dreams.

I’m tortured by your scent drenched in my clothing.

Wanting more of you but desperately trying to appear patient.

The distance is holding me back

But not stopping me from wanting you.

Here I lay wounded by this Adonis

Inflicted with a thirst for his velvet milk.

Uncertainty

Can love survive

These aches and pains

That bind us with these locks and chains?

The weight so oppressing never diminishing.

Our union was spiritual.

Real love promising.

Third parties invaded.

They stole and they traded

My love for another.

They broke the union we created.

Tru love has gone

And paid the cost.

Now look my love

What we have lost.

A Prayer From My Aunt

The moment you receive it, say:
Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom
come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, give us this day
our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who
trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
from evil. Amen.

GOD WANTED ME TO TELL YOU, It shall be well with you this coming
year.

No matter how much your enemies try this year, they will not
succeed.

You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve
all your goals this year.

For the remainder of 2009, all your agonies will
be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance.
Today God has confirmed the end of your sufferings, sorrows and pain
because HE that sits on the throne has remembered you. He has taken
away the hardships and given you JOY. He will never let you down.

I knocked at heaven’s door this morning, God asked me.. My
child! What can I do for you? And I said,

‘Father, please protect and bless the person reading this
message… ‘

WOMEN ARE LIKE TURKEYS

A wise grandfather was helping his wife of 47 years cook for Thanksgiving Dinner.  While setting the table in the other room he asks his grandson to check and see if the turkey was done.

The young man of 16 goes into the kitchen, opens the oven door and then shouts, “Grandpa it’s done!”

The grandfather with a “built in timer” stops what he’s doing and comes into the kitchen to check himself.  “How do you know the turkey is done son?”

“That’s easy grandpa.  Because the little thing popped up and the turkey is brown. That means it’s done.”

“That bird is not ready son.”

“Yes it is grandpa.  The timer popped up.  See?”

He decides to teach his grandson a cooking lesson and an important lesson about women since he’s at that peek age of sexual exploration.  “Sonny, do you know the similarities between turkey’s and women?”

“Huh?  You have to make sure your timing is right?’

“No baby boy.  Just like a turkey, you can tell when both are ready.  Do you know how?”

“No Sir.”

“Do you see how the turkey’s wings and legs are still close to its body?  There all kinda tense and tight?”

“Yes.” Said the grandson totally confused at this point.

“Well just like a woman, you can tell when she’s ready when her arms and legs open up and her body relaxes.  Now push that bird back into the oven and come on and help me finish setting the table.”

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A true but funny little story a friend shared with me yesterday.

And Still I Stand

My family means the world to me. I have some really happy memories of my young life but also some really bad ones. I had started working at age 15. It was automatic for me to help my mom pay the bills in the house since I saw first hand what she struggled with raising four of us. She worked when she could and was on welfare when she couldn’t. My siblings and I grew apart as we got older. When I turned 18 I decided to move out with some co-workers because I couldn’t take the arguing between my mother, my two brothers and one sister anymore. That was during my last year of high school. That was one of the worst years in my life. Since my birthday was in February, and my friends were planning the move in April, I had plenty of time to save what I needed while working at a Burger King in Newark, NJ.

My mother had been sick off and on for years. She was a typical strong black woman back then who kept everything to herself and dealt with everything by herself. We had no idea how bad it was. Well, before I moved out she started getting sick again. If anyone came to the door or called we were instructed to tell them that she was unavailable. When I moved out in April she began doing the same thing to me. But I’m her daughter and I knew something was up. I had been working for a while now and struggling to finish school. I thought I was grown now. I was going to school during the day, or at least trying to and working at night. Most times I wasn’t getting off work until about 2 in the morning and then I had to be in school around 8:15 am. Needless to say I missed a lot of days. One afternoon I decided to stop by to visit my mom unannounced. When I she opened the door I almost fell over. Now my mother was not big but she was a healthy size woman. The thin person that stood before me had to be about 60 to 80 pounds lighter and she had this growth on her face. She tried to cover it with her usual homemade bandage but it was falling apart and soaked. I knew at this point that her health was much more serious than she had lead us to believe.

I gathered for her what I could and my 18-year-old self took my 49-year-old mother to the hospital. The doctor came and talked to me after the professionals attended to her. I was told that she had cancer. It was called melanoma to be exact. I had her admitted with hopes that this would turn out to be a positive thing because we’re supposed to be able to take care of our parents when we get older aren’t we? Well being the strong, proud and stubborn woman that she was, she signed herself out of the hospital days later. I went to visit her after school and thought the worst when I saw her bed was freshly made up and all her belongings were gone. When I spoke with the doctor he told me that she had signed herself out and left all of her medicine. He then proceeded to tell me that he was sorry but it was only a matter of time before her demise and if she had done something sooner they could have prevented her loss of life. What!? He went on to tell me that if I could get her to return that it was possible that they could prolong her life through medicine. Unfortunately, my mother refused to go back or take any more meds.

Soon after that, while trying to manage my grades, keep my job, apartment and tend to my mother, she got worse real quick. One of her sisters stopped by to check on her because they hadn’t seen or heard from her in a long while. My aunt said she found my mother lying on the floor and unresponsive. She brought her right back to the hospital. Little did I know it would be her last visit.

I was loosing it. There was little help from my siblings. My oldest brother had been sent to live with his father at age 16 a couple towns away. Next was my 19-year-old sister who’d just started college and claimed to be “busy”. Then there was our 10-year-old brother who had been mostly raising himself for almost a year now and me. I missed a lot of school between taking care of my mother and the stress. There were days when I couldn’t even get out of bed. I’d be sick to my stomach and just wasn’t even thinking about venturing outside. Soon enough it caught up to me. The school board informed me that due to my countless absences, I would not be graduating with my class. I was given the option of appealing the decision and after realizing that I did not want to come home for the rest of my life smelling like burgers, I took it.

I thought to myself right before the meeting, how did I go from an A and B student usually on the honor roll to this? During the meeting I couldn’t control my emotions. I had intended to just give them some information to try and sway them over to my side, but it all came out almost at once. Something in me made me tell these strangers in suits with nice cars and homes that I had been helping taking care of my mother and family since age 15. God was holding my hand that day. After a short deliberation, they called me back in the room and agreed that if I complete a few classes during the summer than I would be able to receive my diploma. The only catch was that I would not be able to walk with my class. I only had a couple friends because I worked all the time and was too down during the day to make any impression on anyone to even think about me as friend material.

The summer was just as rough for me as the first half of the year. It just all ran together for me with little enjoyment. I had about two weeks off when school ended and then I had to go right back to school during the day and work at night. I was exhausted all the time. Somehow I managed to visit my mom in the hospital too. It was weird seeing her shrink down in size right in front of my eyes. When I moved out I feel like our relationship was improving but now it’s deteriorating. The growth that once only sat on a small spot below her right eye now covered the entire right side of her face. After only a few weeks she didn’t even respond to visitors. It was like you weren’t even there and she didn’t know who you were.

I finished school in August and then a month later received a call from the doctor at about 11pm. I used to beg my boyfriend to call out of work because I was afraid to be alone. He would protest and then be out the door. On this particular day my plight was stronger. I was determined for some reason to not let him leave. I won because he gave in and called out of work. Well when the phone rang I could barely move. We had just gotten ready for bed but something would not let me rest completely. When I picked the phone up it felt like it was one hundred pounds. The doctor asked for me. I let him know it was me and then he spoke. I caught the words quickly. I even think we said them in unison. After letting out the loudest scream I ever let out in my life even to this date, I fell to the floor. My boyfriend came out of the bedroom to help me. He finished the call with the doctor for me and as I tried so desperately hard to collect myself. It all came back after I had to start making calls to the family and there was only one phone call I managed to make. It was to the father of my oldest brother. I guess I always felt close to him because he would take care of us like we were all his kids. When we spoke I felt the pain in his voice as well and it made me even more upset. Why couldn’t I fix this? I was supposed to be the strong and street-smart one. What happened to me? Needless to say, I could not go on. I gave him the phone number to one of my aunts and told him that they would be able to finish notifying the rest of the family.

The funeral was the last time we saw our mother’s side of the family. They all blamed us for the death of our mother and treated us like strangers from then on. Not one hand was extended to my siblings or me. We barely talked to each other.

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I’m still working on my first non-fiction novel. Please be patient for updates on the completion of this story. I can also be found at my other sites setting fire to my keyboard at;

twitter.com/lornasweets

http://thecustomersalwaysright-sweets.blogspot.com/

Facebook – Laura Thomas and The Author laura Thomas

This version of my biography is not meant to insult or hurt anyone.  It is intended to educate on the loss of a loved one through the eyes of a young girl.  I have many stories to tell. Please leave a comment or ask to become friends on Facebook. I desire your feedback.

God Bless You All !

Laura T.

I Fed A Bird Today

As I looked out my window

I saw a Robin flopping around in the street.

Immediately filled with sadness for its pain

I wanted to care for the creature.

Went to the kitchen & took two slices of bread.

Broke them in to a handfull of crumbs.

By the time I reached my door

The bird was sitting on the curb.

I opened the door as God instructed.

Thought the winged critter was all better.

As I approached

It did not fly away.

It just sat there & starred at me.

Was it in shock?

Did it fall out of the tree?

I tossed my handfull of substinance.

The Robin still remained.

Turning back towards the door

To get out of the rain.

Glanced back to see if my new friend

Was enjoying my donation

But it was gone.

The only thing in my sight

Was a pile of rain soaked pieces of bread.

Now sad thinking my good deed

Was not induldged.

I sit back down

Next to my window again to see

My new friend the Robin,

Four others and one black bird.

Elated I made toast

And joined the feast.

Laura T.

06/05/09

If Only My Daughter Would Use Her Powers For Good

My child down here actually thinks I’m the dumbest thing since the invention of the square wheel.  She’s been trying not to do her homework again.  The class trip to Clementon Park is in two weeks.  I told her that due to her behavior and past lying that if I don’t see her homework planner that she’s not going to be going on this trip.  Last week she claimed that she had no homework and just by the way she told me I could tell that she was lying.

Let me first describe to you what the planner looks like.  It’s basically a hard covered calendar that looks like a workbook.  The kids have plenty of room to write homework and any projects due inside of it.  It even has room for the teacher and the Aide to write notes and the parent as well.  On the bottom of every left sided page is a place for the teacher’s notes and the parents signature.  I’ve been signing at the beginning of each week especially after the whole cheer leading fiasco.  On the outside is the child’s name, typed up in red by the teacher on a mailing label and a space inside the cover showing who the book belongs to usually filled in by the kid.

Well guess what this little girl did?  She presented “her planner” by folding it to the exact date so that one I couldn’t see the outside, only that page and two so that I wouldn’t go back to check the days last week when she claimed to have no homework.   WRONNNNNNNG!  Because she “forgot” it last week I hadn’t signed my name, so I went back to check.  Not one of my hundreds of signatures was there. Hmmm I thought to myself. So I flip through the book and there’s different handwriting except for the page she opened to.  So I flipped again cuz I was tired and maybe I made a mistake.  NOPE!!  I was right.   So just to seal the deal I look at the front cover and this devious little thing wrote her name on the most crooked cut out piece of paper and TAPED it over another little girls name.

I had to take some serious deep breaths because I was spewing fire at this point.  When I calmed down, I said ok, I’ll give her a chance to confess.  I folded the book back the way she left it on the table for me and then went in her room to ask her if it was her book.

“Maya is this yours?”

“Yes.”

“This is your homework planner?”

“Yeah that’s mine.”

“So then why does it have Cindy’s name inside?”

“Ohhh man, I must have taken her book by mistake.”

Then I close the book exposing the cover, show her the makeshift label obviously created by her, I peel off the crookedly cut taped paper also exposing the real label made by the teacher.  Can I tell you I’ve never seen this girl’s eyes pop out like they did when she realized that she was found out.   So I say, “So what is this then?”

I hear nothing but crickets chirping!

She then finds her voice and tells me she forgot her book at her dad’s house.   Mind you when he picked her up, she dropped off her book bag at our house because he was taking her to stay at a hotel for a night to go swimming (probably to get away from his very fertile older daughter and her multitude of offspring).   I reminded her of this and she tells me she took it out so that her and So-and-So could play school.   She forgot that she had told me that So-and-So could not go with her and her dad so they went alone.   She also didn’t realize that last week she forgot her sneakers at his house and that I had to call him to drop them off on his way to work because she needed them for gym.  (I’m exhausted all over again.)   I reminded her of this too and the fact that it was now 9:30pm and that he would’ve dropped it off on his way to work tonight!  All she could do at this point was cry because she knew what was coming.

I seriously do not know what to do at this point.  I’ve tried all of the barganing tricks, I’ve tried super nice mommy and we’ve even done the couseling.   I do not think she respects me or cares if I hurt from the crap that she does at all because she wants what she wants (and usually gets it when she’s not with me thanks to her dad) and now I have absolutely no idea where this book is.   And to top it off, under the planner was a stack of papers from the teacher.   In the stack was her progress report.  She went from a B average to a D average.   ALL of her grades went down.  It was all I could do to keep from crying in front of her while I talked to her.

She wasn’t allowed to go on the trip last year, and I agreed, by the school due to her behaviors and the number of in school detentions she had been given.  That was school policy.   It actually tore her up and when I picked her up from school the latch key lady told me she was crying for a while because all the kids that went were talking about the trip and it made her sad.   What do I do this year?   There is absolutely no way that she deserves it and she has not made any attempt to work for it.  Should I let her go?

My brain hurts : (

I Finally Reached Up To Touch Bottom

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse
I was proven wrong.
Bad decisions and weak friendships
Placed me at the bottom of the food chain.
So heavy, alone with my destructive thoughts.
Needed a shoulder to cry on
And all I found were heels.
Battling with Demons who fed me lies and negativity.
I finally reached up to touch bottom.
Mustered up what little strength I had left
To rebuild my spirit, my confidence, my life.
Realizing who the commander
of this fleshy vessel really was.
Now I settle for nothing less
Than the very best.
The true power within me
Is now all around me.
It’s in everything I think, and say
Touch and do.
I reached up to touch bottom once.
But by the Grace of God
I look down and can’t even
See the top of it.

LThomas  April 2009

The Wise

Listen to the wise they always obey,

to what the world has to say.

They watch, they learn.

They study, they remember.

When hard times arise they never surrender.

Growing in number.

Growing in strength.

Their lives on this Earth they know not the length.

But being wise will someday prove,

what’s right.

What’s wrong.

Which one to choose?

LP Thomas April 1995